Christina (Dombrowsky) Barnes
Before I moved up to Georgia to work for Adventures, I was applying for a Rotary Fellowship to go pursue my 2nd Master’s degree in Australia. I had it all planned out: I was going to go study Community Development in Queensland, complete my field work on the Thai/Burma border, make a little spot for myself on the Gold Coast, and get to it. I was ready to just up and move across the globe. For a 2 year commitment.
That might sound pretty scary to some of you — a little outlandish and extreme.
But I was comfortable with that.
I know how to do that.
I know traveling. I know grad school. I know living in a new country.
This, though…this other plan that God had for me – learning to be a good fiancé, preparing to be a good wife, learning to run a household … I do not know this.
- Preparing to build a life with someone else.
- Learning to make joint decisions on the most important topics (and the most minute ones)
- Joining a family with 4 new sisters and 2 new brothers in law.
- Wedding Planning.
- Pre marital counseling.
- Engagement photos.
- Wedding registries.
- Juggling regular life and work and all this other new stuff…?
I do NOT know this.
This is unfamiliar territory….and it is crazy.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited! I am more excited about this, than I have ever been about anything. Really.
And I am sure.
I have had several a loving friend ask me over the past few weeks:
“So, you’re sure about this, right?”
Yes everyone, know this: I am sure. 😉
I know that I know that I know that I want to marry Seth and that he is the guy that God has had for me all this time. And that’s a great feeling!!
But this is still SO crazy.
SO MUCH to learn, to grow into, to adjust to, and to do!
I am doing my best to put ‘systems’ in place, as Seth says. But it’s not natural for me. Natural for me is flying by the seat of my pants. Figuring it out on the fly. Spinning all the plates I can manage, and tap dancing all the while.
However, with this much on all my plates… my old tap dancing routine is lookin a little risky!
Alas, God is coming through left and right. And nothing seems to be falling apart – except for me –now and then. But I am learning that’s OK.
As a woman, I’m coming to realize that we buy into this propaganda of how we are supposed to pull it off:
“Do it all, do it perfectly, and never let ‘em see ya sweat.”
But ya know what? That’s crap.
It’s a façade. It’s fake and it makes us feel horrible when we start to come apart and get messy.
I’m messy right now.
Sunday I was running errands with Seth, running late as usual, missing my Mom on Mother’s Day, and trying to figure out the balance of classy and cheap when choosing a bottle of champagne to bring to my 4 new sisters to ask them to help out with wedding stuff. In the midst of my chaos, I decided a caffeine fix would help. But when the girl behind the Starbucks counter asked, “How’s your Mother’s Day going?” I almost burst into tears! I swallowed hard and muttered, ‘My mom is in Florida,’ and then later sobbed in the car in front of a confused Seth who is doing his absolute best to encourage me through my mess season.
It’s messy. But it’s real.
And I think it’s beautiful the way it’s all playing out and the people around me are loving me through it.
I appreciate so much that Seth wants me to be real.
I love that my girlfriends encourage me to share about what’s going on inside my head.
I’m so grateful everyone has offered to help out in countless ways.
And I’m so glad that I’m learning that it’s OK to be messy.
Seth told me the other day that he wants all of me. Even the messy parts.
Isn’t that fabulous?
And you know who else wants all of me? And all of you? All our messy parts, too?
Jesus.
He says that He’ll take me as I am. Mess and all. And you and your mess, too. He says that if we take our mess over to Him, He’ll walk with us through it. And He promises peace and a beautiful story in the midst of it.
Have you been trying with all you’ve got to hold your ‘mess’ together, too?
I dare you to open up and share your messyness with somebody today.
Life isn’t about fooling one another into thinking that we’ve got it together tighter than the next person.
It’s more about stepping into the unfamiliar territory, doing the new things you don’t know how to do, and going with the plans God has for you even if they aren’t the ones you had.
It’s about falling apart sometimes and being OK with it. Being real with the people around you, being sure about the ones you love, loving one other through the messy times, and seeing the beauty in the mess.
What’s beautiful about the mess around you right now?
Ask God for eyes to see the beauty in the mess.
It’s there 🙂
