This post was written by World Racer, Paige Lindner.
What’s written below is for you who has experienced a deep sense of loss.
For you who has lost a loved one and are still mourning to this day.
For you who has been broken-hearted by a significant other who made a lot of empty promises to you.
For you who had a parent that walked away or loved you inadequately leaving you confused, hurt, and alone.
For you who has just been burned by the ways of this world, head gaping wide you have no where else to turn.
It is not fair that some of us get to feel love, that heart-wrenching, chest breaking, tear provoking, thoughts racing, feeling while others miss the experience entirely. I have struggled to understand if knowing love of another human being is a blessing or a curse while I sit here knowing that the love of God is everlasting and true. The look of love is so blatant on a face, especially a face that has been hurt and lied to, but Jesus tells us otherwise. People are not made to be perfect. Yes, God created everyone out of His own goodness, but that does not mean that cruelty and ignorance fails to exist inside our tarnished and sinful bodies.
Regardless of any instance I may have found myself in throughout my past, I am happy to know humanly love and happy to find myself joy in the midst of all the heartbreak. Never have I seen God work more wonders than on a broken heart, mine specifically.
He utilizes Jesus so beautifully with His own kind of bandages and salves to not only heal the bruises but to eliminate the scars too. The Lord sits down beside me and asks me if I want to be fixed. He doesn’t ask if I am ready to fix myself, nor does He tell me He is going to fix me whether I am in agreeance or not. My Father God looks at me with such patience, understanding, and sincerity. I look at Him with a tear streaked face and smile, nodding. Together we pick up the needle and thread His love between it and take turns sewing me up, laughing along the way at what a beautiful life it is. Traces of Jesus are used to stuff up parts that have been ripped open wide and I am left with glimmers of righteousness in spots that God doesn’t have to fill.
Something is humbling about sitting next to God though, knowing I do not have the power or strength at the moment to accomplish what He is so easily doing. And God doesn’t rush. If I scream out in pain or in desperation He reminds me that I am a child of His and what I deserve is far greater than the unhealthy love I once idolized. He finishes the stitch and strokes my hair, simply waiting for me to be ready once more to continue.
Yes, along the way I turn my face from God, He sits so close our skin touches. The both of us know the shame I felt and still continue to feel with attempts to self medicate and try to bandage my own heart. He brings all my dirt to the light, telling me that willingly handing it over to Him is always the better option, as He covers things that make my stomach churn. All the times I have chosen to run are exposed and I know the tears I cry now will be laughter in years to come.
“Love comes from me,” the Lord says over and over until it is engrained in my very being.
Thank you Jesus for the cautionary seal you have placed over my heart, proving that the bravest decision is waiting for the boldest love, the love that examples You.
God knows I am a difficult girl, that I want to love wholeheartedly those around me without stopping and want to be blessed with a man’s love someday. So He understands as I deliberately pull the stitches out to feel healthy and fully alive, stitches that we fastened together. My rebellious heart knows every time that I go back to what is familiar and comfortable how amazing Jesus is and how alive He is in me so I am at a point of refusal with life. Refusing to feel beaten down and indecisive. Refusing relationships that are not centered in Him. Refusing to live this life for anyone but Christ. God’s love language is obeying. I am ready to obey and and not let my failures in love hold me captive anymore. I will not forget why the stitches are there this time.
I wrote this a few years ago when I thought I had finally healed from a past relationship, but reading this last month after I actually FULLY healed I figured other’s needed to see the Lord in this way too. He’s a healer and He will sit with you in the stitching for as long as you need. Have patience with yourself, because He’s always had plenty.
Sometimes He lets the heartbreak come in order to experience deeper intimacy with you.
